another sad love story...tsk!

I’ll start my story here. It was high school time wherein lovers are on trend. It’s in that time where in you learn how to love, to cry and to move on. High school time was all about fiction, all about fantasy and stuff. It’s in college where you’ll see the reality. Basically, the high school time was the orientation before you’ll go to the real world. In my high school years wasn’t that neither bad nor it was good, let just say it’s just average, because I considered my self as an average girl too. Boys never fall for me because I was never popular and sexy. You know high school boys are… they love this and they love that, they love picking but not sticking to it… you get what I mean? I admit, I considered myself as a boy-hater maybe because boys just don’t like me the way I am, until I met Shang. He was new in class. He comes from a Chinese and rich family. I never expected him to smile at me as he entered the classroom. All seats were taken, only the seat beside me was vacant so he was instructed to seat there. I wasn’t able to talk first because I believed that he wouldn’t understand me because I thought he was purely Chinese, which he is not.The discussion of our teacher seemed to bore me. I wanted to open a discussion but I rather not. I was surprised when he broke the silence.

“ Boring noh?” he stared at me smiling..
I was shocked definitely and politely replied “ oo nga…”
“ I’m Shang, but friends call me Jay”
“ Kayla…you can call me Ka…”

He nodded and smiled at me. At that moment I was attracted to his almond shape eyes. He seemed so humble and kind whenever he speaks. I never considered it as an attraction because at that time I never new what attraction really means. And he wasn’t my “ideal” guy either. He began telling jokes and stories and I began to impress him more. The teacher heard our giggle and called our attention a couple of times still he continued. We became friends then and it was a nice start for our friendship.Our class was dismissed early because there was somewhat an emergency meeting for the teachers. I was about to go when Jay came running towards me..

“ hatid na kita…”
“ may wheels ka ba?” I said sarcastically…
“ meron, kaso hindi akin sa dad ko…”
“ha?… g*g*… nag joke lang ako uy… no need mag taxi ako eh…”
“ sige na…” he insisted.
“ nakakahiya…”
“ hiya?…” he laughed and he grabbed my hand and I began to wonder.

He opened the door of the car for me and I smiled saying thank you and saying no need. I thought it was his dad whose driving the car so I hesitated to say politely.
“ good afternoon po”
He never answered. I whispered to Jay, “ galit ba dad mo?”
“ hindi ko dad yan, driver namin yan…” he smiled
“ wow, big time!” I said to myself. He laughed. “ I thought kasi dad mo” I said.

He took me home and not only that he brought me to our door. He told me he’d called me and stuffs like that. He even thanked me for being so kind and everything. I know it is too much“thank you” but I respected him and I said “you’re welcome…” I reply. The door opened and my mom seemed to be surprised.

“ good evening po… hinatid ko lang po daughter niyo ksi po delekado po ngayon eh…”
“ iho… napakabait mo naman… salamat kung ganun…”
“ ma, si Jay… Jay si mama”
“ nice to meet you po…” he replied bowing.
My mom began to realized that he is a Chinese because on how he act and she offered him a cup of tea.
“ thank you na lang po pero kelangan ko na pong umuwi kasi naghihntay na si papa…”
“ ikaw… sige mag ingat ka…” He nodded and he looked at me. “ I’ll call you okay?”
“ bakit? Bawal ako makpagtelebabad ngayon eh…”
“hindi man tayo magtelebabad, about naman sa assignments”
“ah… ok”

Then off he ran. I entered the house and I went up stairs with a funny feeling inside, a feeling so funny but deep. I am beginning to like him, but only a little. His smile and his personality but his eyes too. There is something hindering me from liking him, it’s his race. He is a Chinese and I know their tradition and rules. Dad, before he died, once told me that Chinese people, most of them discriminate people like me and they have really strict tradition. But I knew Jay is different, he’s gentle and kind and everything. My dad also told me that “never fall in love to guy who belongs to a Chinese family and who has big business because it takes risk…”. He told me that when I was young for about 11, but now I’m in 3rd year high school and no one will hinder me from falling in love even my late father. I kept from reminding myself that I wasn’t in love instead this is only a “crush” means an attraction to someone who you think you are in love. I barely know him.

“ Ka! Telepono! Jay daw!”
I ran downstairs. “ hello”
“ Ka, my assignment ba tayo?”
“ oo, answer daw page 56 sa geom., 76 sa chem. And get ready daw for a quiz tomorrow sabi ni ma’am Winston.”
“ah okay… sunduin kita bukas ng morning okay?”
“ha? Ano ka hilo?!!? Bakit?”
“wala lang… para makasave ka sa taxi at safe ka…”
“hoy, before ka dumating naka taxi na ko…”
“ sige na… kaw pakipot!”
“bahala ka pero baka hindi mo ako ma-abutan bukas…”
“sure… good night! ay paturo pala bukas sa geom. Ha?”
“ sure thing… bye” I hung up the phone and mom was staring at me and somewhat teasing me. “ no malice, ma, ok?”
“ ano ka dyan??”
“kasi the way mag stare parang…”
“kaw nagsabi niyan hindi ako…”

I climbed upstairs as I shook my head. I entered my room and I began to look into the mirror and asked my self “is he attracted to me?” I never will expect he will be because even I can’t see myself attractive. No one seemed to appreciate me even my mom. The only person who always appreciates me is my dad. I miss him so much and I began crying.. I started opening my books and forgetting what had happened and wondering what is it going to happen the next day.
I woke up early and dressed up for school. I was about to go when I black car and Jay’s driver opened the back seat of the car. He smiled at me and he said..

“ good morning ma’am”.
“ manong wag niyo na po akong tawaging ma’am..” he nodded and smiled.
“Ka, pasok na…” Jay said.
“ akala ko…”
“sabi ko sayo diba?”

I shrug and I entered the car. He told me that starting from now on he would fetch me and take me home. I was surprised and I never uttered a single word because if I will I’m afraid I’ll insult him instead I asked him that would certainly drive us closer.

“ Why are you doing this, you barely know me and I barely know you… we’ve only met yesterday and here you are offering me a ride?? You know what I mean… are you playing a game or something?”

He never uttered a single word instead he turned on the radio. I felt I insulted his kindness but I was awfully bothered. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t…”

He smiled at me and he said. “ I want to be your friend… wala kasi akong friend eh, natatakot ako makipag mingle sa iba kasi baka ang habol nila sa akin ay pera lang… alam ko ang mga school mates natin eh…”
“sa tingin mo hindi yan ang habol ko sayo?”
“ hindi… kasi ako ang unang nakipagkaibigan sayo…” he smiled.

We became very close. He shared everything, almost everything. He new about me, all about me, from my likes to dislikes. He began to be my best friend and I began to be his too. People at school would ask him if I was his girl but he will only shrug and I would too. From the moment he and I became buddies many boys seemed to approach me and some of them courts me. I began to wonder why. why now? Jay would always remind me not to accept their proposal because they are not with it. I admit ever since Jay and I became very close, girls seemed to be jealous, to the point that it doesn’t do good anymore. I would often cry on Jay’s shoulder because rumors seemed to out of hand. Stories that are not true about Jay and I destroy my reputation. Jay on the other hand was really angry upon seeing me affected like this and I keep on reminding him that if he could just temper down for me. I emphasize to him that I don’t’ want any fights. I’m glad he obeys me. The people in school seemed not to understand our friendship. They seemed to question us. We never did anything. And they can’t see that. We tried letting them but they seemed to shut their ears. I’m afraid that someday there will come a time that one of us will be totally be gone and will be killed against this battle. He promised me he wouldn’t. He will fight for our friendship no matter what. I was beginning to like him deeply. If he’ll know that I liked him more than as a friend would he fight still? If he does love me too would he fight for me too or for our love??

I kept that feeling for about 3 months. I know if I were going to tell him everything it would change all the things, especially our friendship. It’s against the rules of friendship and it’s against of the tradition. We are different in many things especially in culture, rules, beliefs and tradition. I can’t change that nor he can. If I’ll take the risk of telling him what’s here inside me I’m afraid what will happen. I won’t avoid him or anything. I would just put something that would be a barrier to passageway of affection, of love, of intimate love.

I expected the unexpected when he told me he is going to introduce me to his parents. He told me that I’ll just be myself in meeting them because they are just ordinary parents, but are they? We arrived at the dinner party. It wasn’t just an ordinary party it was different from our party. Ours is simple, theirs is very extravagant and elegant. People there wore nice silk and porcelain jewels that come from China. As we enter the room full of people their eyes seemed to melt me. I feel like I’m being judge by dragon jurors. I felt relax and fine when he whispered.

“ok ka lang, Ka?? Wag mo silang intindihin, pasyosalan lang yan sila dito… wala na silang ginawang topic kundi mga business… palakihan ng business… haay!” he told me while as he shook his head off. I smiled and nodded.

A cold chill conquered me when I was introduced to his father. I know I must not felt that way because I wasn’t his fiancé or anything. I am just his best friend, his buddy, and his friend. He grabbed my cold hand and we went together towards his father.

“ Papa, this is Kayla…”
“ Good evening po…” as I smiled and I bowed down as he instructed me.
“ So you are the girl my son’s been telling me…” he sarcastically smiled at me. He looked at me from head to foot. After that he faced his son.
“ Take her to the food…” he ordered, “ let her eat many…” he faced me and continued, “ feel at home, all the friends of my son is my friend too…”

I nodded. I look at Jay and I breathe out at last. But there is something that bothers me all night. I’m his friend but what if…
“ Ka? Okay ka lang?”
“ ha…ah oo naman… ang bait pala ng tatay mo tsong! Kala ko…” I smiled
“ hindi mo pa siya kilala…” he shook his head, “ tara, alis tayo dito… boring eh…”
“ hindi puwede diba?”
“ hindi tayo mapapansin niyan…”
“ ikaw..”

He grabbed my hand. We left the party as soon as possible. He picked a cab and we went to Linmar Café near east. We were quiet for a moment. I broke the silence.

“ what if ma-in love ka sa hindi mo kauri?”
“ anong ka uri? Tao man tayong lahat ah… meron pa bang ibang uri…?”
“I mean, sa hindi mayaman at Chinese…”
“ sayo?” he laughed.
“ seryoso ba ako…paano kung ma inlove ka? Malay mo…diba? Sabi kasi ni daddy dapat daw ang mga Chinese guys mag marry ng ka uri nila para ma laganap ang business…”
“ well, depende…”
“depende?”
“ sabi nga ni papa dapat mag hanap ako ng babaeng chinese at mayaman…kaso hindi ko gusto yang ganyan eh… bata pa ako sinasabihan na nga ako…”
“ diba may ina arrange yan na marriage… yung bata pa kayo, dapat kayo na… basta yun na yon..” I sipped my cappuccino shake. He nodded.
“ sino ina-arrange sayo?” I smiled. I know I’d be hurt when he is going to answer my question with a girl’s name.
“ Mei Lhing… yung inaanak ni papa…nakakainis nga eh kasi ayaw ko siya”
“ chicks ba?”
“ ya… maganda at matalino kaso… possessive at nakakasakal…basta ayaw ko siya."

I knew from that moment that I couldn’t be enough for him. I know loving him would risk my life. I stared at him for the last time and took the chance of looking at him while he is eating his pie. I’m madly in love with him for the past few months and I just found out that he is being arranged to the rich and smart Chinese girl. I must tell him now.

“ Ka, is there something bothering you?”
“ wala lang ito…”
“ sabihin mo lang … eto naman parang hindi mo ako friend… bestfriend mo ako diba?”
“ what if ma-inlove ako sayo? “
“ ha?”
“ ako… pano kung love kita?”
“ love mo man talaga ako diba?”
“ for example, love kita more than what you think…” He was silent for a moment.
“ you don’t need to answer that tsong! Kaw naman…just forget it” I laughed aloud to cover up my embarrassment.
“I’ll die for you…”
“ hoy ka korny moh!” He stared at me and said.
“ I’m in love with you…”
“ what?!”
“ I love you!”
“ f*ck! Tsong ano yang sinasbi mo! Wag mo akong lolokohin kundi babatuhin kita ng sapatos ko…”

He held my hand and he knelt down before me. He is serious, I can see it in his eyes. I pulled my hand back.

“ hindi tayo puwede… I mean mag buddy tayo and…”
“ Chinese ako ganun? B**sh**! Pag hindi ba ako Chinese dun mo pa ako mamahalin?”
“ let’s us just drop this topic out okay?”

We were silent again. I don’t know what’s got into me. I love him and now I know what he felt for me. I’m really afraid upon knowing he has feelings for me because of the fact that they have strict tradition. It’s always been the tradition! But what the hell! I must tell what I felt for him. I got a deep breath.

“ I love you too but…”

He looked at me smiling with satisfaction.

“really? Bakit parang di ka sigurado??”
“I don’t know eh…” I looked at him.
“ just remember one thing…”I stared at him again as he held my hand.
“ I love you and no matter how many risk we would take…I promise you I’ll fight for our love… sounds corny noh… pero galing yan dito.” As he points his left chest.

I was touched. I felt for the very first time in my life the feeling of falling deeply in love. I never gave a big deal to the tradition, to the rules, to our age( I know I’m only 15 and he is 16) and to everything! What matters most is that we love each other and we will always will..

We never told anybody that we had a relationship. We continued as buddies in the eyes of the people. We are so careful in dealing our affection. It’s really hard for us, especially for him because we are not suppose to hold our hands because people would notice and would possibly tell things about us that could ruin both our reputation. I know it’s unfair to both of us, but the more we keep the more our love was strong. We go out but not only the two of us. When we go out our group of friends are always there so that we could not be misinterpreted as lovers. I know and he knows it’s really awkward. But what can we do?? We don’t want any trouble and we don’t want to be apart. We wrote letters. We exchanged letters every after subject, telling our feelings. It’s good that we are not caught. We are madly in love with each other and we must not let anybody know even our parents, especially his parents.

In a relationship we can’t really expect the things. Sometimes it’s perfect, no fights, no arguments and no misunderstanding. We had a fight once that almost lead us to break up. It began when somebody sent me a beautiful yellow rose, my favorite one. I never knew to whom it was from, I thought it was from him. So what I did was as soon as he arrived I ran towards him and stand in front of him whispering.

“thanks for the yellow rose, how sweet of you…”
“what rose?” He was shocked. I was too.
“ this…” I showed him the rose.
“I never gave you that…sino ba ang nag bigay niyan?”
“ ewan? Akala ko sayo galing eh..”

I shrugged and went towards my seat. I never realized that he was jealous and never spoke to me the whole morning. I never knew until lunchtime when we ate lunch together and I was irritated by his silence.

“what’s wrong with you?” he shook his head.
“fine…kung ayaw mo sabihin sa akin hindi kita pipilitin…” I told him mockingly.
“ we must reveal our secret…”
“ ano?”
“ sabihin na natin sa buong mundo… ipakita na natin… nahihirapan na ako…”
“ Jay, kung nahihirapan ka… mas nahihirapan ako…”
“ ikaw? Nahihirapan? Parang hindi ata… mas gusto mo nga ata eh… kasi maraming nanliligaw sayo… you wanted na secret itong relationship natin para…” he whispered angrily...

I shook my head with tears in my eyes. I was hurt. I stood up and walked out. He called my name but I never looked back. I never thought he would think that way. I went towards the comfort room and locked myself up in a cubicle so that no one could see me crying. I have no girl friends because he was my only friend to whom I cry on. I was alone crying deeply hurt. I really wanted to end this but I can’t. I love him. I know we are both pressured not only in school but also we are pressured upon handling our relationship. I could hear my moan echoing throughout the room. I was alone. I got out and wash myself up. As soon as I got out from the comfort room, the bell rang and I went towards my classroom. When I arrived there he was there leaning his head down on his armchair. I was angry to him. I sat and never utter a single word. We were quiet the whole time. My classmates seem to notice the silence. One of my classmates asked.

“ nag-LQ ba kau?”
“ha?” “ nag away ba…”
“hindi… masakit lang ulo niya…”
“ah… sige…” then of she went.

I was really uncomfortable. I was also bothered because of the fact that I don’t want him to take me home. It’s not applicable anymore. We are enemies and we must give each other’s space. I stood up and went ahead of him. He was still there even after I left the room. I pity him. I never knew what to do. It was not my fault. I went home soaked. My mom did notice me that I was crying she forced me to tell her. I never knew what to say so I told her. She understood. I’m glad she did and I’m glad that from now on I have somebody to tell my problems to, aside from him. The rains seemed to mourn with me. It was raining hard. At around 6 my mom noticed someone standing outside. Soaked wet and somewhat staring at our house. She told me to check on it. I peeked out from the window and I saw him. Jay. I ran towards him because he was soaked and was crying. I hugged him tight and we were both crying. He looked at me and caressed my face saying words I could never forget.

“I love you! forgive me… I don’t want you away from me…” he hugged me again.
We are both soaked wet. I was so happy. And I know he was too. I love him so much!
“hoy!dito niyo na yan ituloy mabibinat kayo niyan” my mom called out.

I told him that my mom knows already. He stayed at our house and went home around 8. We had a great time chatting with my mom. From that time went on him, mom and me were very close. Our romantic story continued, it’s wonderful and it’s stayed a secret for a long time, until an announcement came. She arrived form China. Mei Lhing, the wife to be of my love. our relationship changed. Before she came we are together all the time. We tried to adjust. He wasn’t allowed to fetch me in my house anymore because he must prioritize Mei Lhing first! I can’t demand. I don’t want to be a stress to him, instead I pretended to be fine. Every time our dates are canceled because she is there, it’s fine with me. Ever since she came in our lives, I tend to cry at night, I learned that it really hurts when you fall in love. I learn how to pour tears. I learn how to be brave and take the consequences once I feared. I’m afraid there would come a time he is going to leave me. I know it will come. And when it comes, I’m prepared, no matter what.

It’s been a week since we last talk. We never had the chance to talk because in class the teacher was obliged by his father that Jay must not have any relationship to any other woman because he is already engaged to Mei lhing. He wasn’t seated next to me anymore. We are not allowed to talk because of some circumstances. It was hard for me though I tried hard not to. And because of the loneliness and I was longing again for him I wrote him a letter that somehow changed every thing and I opened the gateway to the battlefield.

Jay,
I’ve been lonely for many days now… hindi ko na kaya… tuwing tumatawag ako sa bahay niyo wala ka… I understand naman, kaso unfair na sa akin ito at nahihirapan na ako mashado…if only we could meet maya sa Café… I wanted to talk about this secret relationship… Jay, maraming maaapektohan sa ganitong relationship eh… ang papa mo…I think we must end this na lang…we’ll forget each other for the sake of our love… please go maya sa Café. I want you and I to talk things clearly as possible… around 8 okay??
-Ka

I sneaked it in his bag. It was already 8:30 when he came. I was crying.. He was too..

“sinabi ko na kay dad ang tunkol sa atin…basically nagalit siya…”
“ah ganoon bah…”
“Ka…”
“jay, hirap nahirap na ako Jay…I’m tired of lying…”
“what do you mean Ka? You are breaking up with me?” I nodded with tears in my eyes.
“no!”
“pero jay!”

He never uttered a single word. Tears just flow in his eyes and I know he is hurt.

“ magpapakasal na ako next week…pero hindi na ako aabot…”
“ha? What do you mean hindi ka na aabot…”
“basta…”
“jay, wag kang ganyan!”
“ always remember Ka… love kita…ha?” he caressed my face.
“so what’s the plan now?”
“ako na bahala…”
“ ha?”
“I have to go…”

Days seemed to be running quite fast and only two days more and it’s his wedding. I was really amazed by his family tradition because at his young age he was allowed to marry. Well, what the hell! He told me that he was going to call me if he ran from his wedding or if he never came to his wedding. The wedding is about to start around 9. and it is already 8:30. I became very furious and really this waiting stresses me out. I was slouching on the sofa waiting for his call and I fell into a deep slumber. I never realized that I slept too much. I woke up at around 10 and I realized it was too late. He was wed and I can’t do anything anymore. I cried and cried. My whole world shuttered into pieces. My mom calm me down. I kept on yelling. I can’t just stop from crying.

“you are too young to handle this ka!”
“si jay hindi ba siya bata para mag asawa!?!…fuck!!!”
“ssh hunny…” Then the phone rang. My mom answered it and it was for me.
“si jay?”
“hindi…”
“ayaw ko kausapin…”
“nag insist anak eh… tungkol ata kay Jay…”
“sino daw siya ma?” I wiped my tears away. I know there is still hope.
“driver niya…”

I grabbed the phone and answered it.
“si jay po?”
“ma’am…wala na si sir Jay..” he was crying too
“wag kang magbiro nang ganyan manong…”
“ma’am hindi po ako nagbibiro…kagabi lang po sinabihan niya ako na tawagan ka kung hindi na daw siya aabot… nalito nga ako ma’am eh… pero talga ma’am… nag bigti si sir Jay…”

I fainted just like that. I couldn’t breathe…Everything just ended that day.



wawa nmn!! *sigh*